Can`t Stand Son in Law
One of the most important things to understand about narcissists is that their behavior comes from a position of weakness. Thank you to everyone who has shared before me, it is comforting to know that we are all in this together, as terrible as it is. SIL has always hated how close my daughter and I are (I raised her alone). He took a job that made her travel to work, she is at home with three children, the 3-year-old is autistic and two others have other special needs. She has been counting on me a lot for 7 years and even asked me to sell my house to get closer to it, which I did. He`s been making nasty comments about her for years when she`s not around and when I tell her, she says I`m doing something with it because he`s joking. He doesn`t do anything to help the kids unless it`s the fight every 6 months they have and divorce, he threatens to commit suicide or something ridiculous, she feels sorry for him and they get back together and he helps get attention. About 1 year ago, he started making a big deal to go out for a drink with his friends after work. They always understood that they wouldn`t go to bars without the other. Needless to say, two months ago, she found the other email address he had, and he had been on dating sites, met men in hotels, etc. Of course, as soon as he was caught, he said it was only once and he would commit suicide and he just saw if he was bisexual and would never do it again. Since then, of course, he controls the narrative and pushes me out because he knows I`m not stupid and probably knows she told me.
I hadn`t seen the big babies in 2 months when I took one on a weekend just to give her a break. It breaks my heart and not, as I would like my grandchildren to think, that it is normal. His 6-year-old son can`t decide to come to my house now because he doesn`t want to leave his father. The 4-year-old girl came this weekend and told me that her father had told her to be mean to me. I`m in counseling and thank God my daughter is now too, but my heart breaks to see my only child and grandchildren go through this. This article only confirms what I thought I should do. Any advice would be helpful. Here`s what we drive.
If your daughter and son-in-law are happy together and seem to have a relatively successful marriage, it may be best to adopt a no-intervention policy – regardless of which carter flees. After all, there are more important things than the condition of their car. It should be obvious that the health of their relationship comes first. You certainly don`t want to dig an unnecessary gap between them by shaming the husband in front of his wife. Most parents have certain standards for their children, and as they get older, these standards may or may not change. Sometimes these standards may be too high or seem too impractical. It is important to understand that your own marriage should not be the reference for your children. Setting standards for something completely out of your control will only lead to disappointment. Understand that your children are people who have the right to choose who they want to spend the rest of their lives with.
Accept that your children are mature enough to be responsible in love and be able to determine what is best for them. However, if you think your child made a mistake, state the reasons why you believe it. If your child disagrees with you, know that you did what you could and learn to accept the reasons why they made the decision. There are things you may not seem to understand or refuse to accept, but allowing yourself to get to know your son or daughter-in-law better can lead to a surprising and positive relationship between you, your child, and their spouse. If a behavior or quirk of your son or daughter-in-law annoys or touches your feathers, you can discuss it privately with your child or spouse. In this case, however, it is always a good thing to be diplomatic. Just as you`d be upset if a new acquaintance criticized you, your son-in-law or daughter-in-law may also feel upset if you approach your points critically or negatively. Be polite and state the reasons for your discomfort in a rational and logical way and be prepared to accept their answers in turn. Avoid submitting unnecessary complaints to your child about their spouse`s behavior before looking for an amicable way to resolve the problem. Try to understand that habits and behavior may not seem negative to your son-in-law or daughter-in-law, and as such, your behavior or habits may in turn seem strange or uncomfortable to others too.
An easy-to-understand example is when a narcissistic parent has two children and the parent treats one of them as if they can`t do anything wrong, and the other as if they can never do anything right. Most likely, you won`t be able to stay around your narcissistic son-in-law for a single minute, but your adult child has chosen it. It is very difficult to answer this question without knowing much more about you, your daughter, her husband and the whole situation. Of course, in cases of abuse, gross neglect or imminent threat to children, appropriate measures should be taken to ensure their safety and well-being, up to and including reporting their concerns to the competent authorities. However, in the absence of such a situation, our first reaction would be to emphasize that clear boundaries are an important part of healthy relationships with the in-laws. This is implicit in the biblical principle of “leaving and dividing” (Genesis 2:24). We understand your concern for your daughter and grandchildren, but we also think you need to realize that what you are considering in this case is an independent family unit – a family unit for which you have no immediate responsibility. This can be hard to swallow given the strength of your personal emotions and the complexity of the family ties associated with them, but it`s still a crucial piece of the puzzle. I guess by using quotation marks around “last minute,” you believe, as I do, that there has never been a dog sitter, right? This guy just wants to bring Fido, so he does.
Not cool. The next time you invite him, tell him the truth: “Our place is too small for dogs. If your guard fails again, let`s do a rain check, OK? As an intrusive dog owner myself, I would fully understand this. If you`re not sure where you stand with your son or daughter-in-law, here are some signs that your relationship with them needs work – and what you can do about it. I`m really sorry, Robin. I am a 58 year old grandfather of 3 lovely girls. 2 are twins, less than a year ago my father married this guy who has now turned them against the whole family. The whole family. He isolated her and the children, and I am devastated. No one else sees it and I`m the wrong person. I pray for you, Robin, I understand how painful it is.
May God bless you and may the angels camp around your daughter and grandchildren. Regards, Eddie. Dear Abby: My son is so angry that my daughter is with her best friend “Ron”. He says his sister “betrayed” him, because when she and Ron broke up, she promised never to date another of her friends again, but dated Ron again. He also accuses my husband and I of encouraging them. They are only 18 months apart. We shared that we understand his feelings of loss regarding his girlfriend, but we don`t think there`s anything wrong with her dating Ron. I don`t think anything will make him feel any better, except that they break up again, and that doesn`t seem to be happening. My son is 22 and my daughter is 20. It ruins the once very close-knit family we had. When this happens, your daughter will feel relieved or completely crushed. If it`s the first, help her understand that narcissists often return to their abandoned partners when they need a boost.